Mind's rumblings

Am not sure whether it is split personality or bipolar disorder that I am suffering from!

There are two me's.. One which asks me to:

1.trust people
2.love somone unconditionally
3.care for people around me
4.help the needy
5. Empathize with others 

Yet there is the second part of me that is more realistic and rings appropriate warning bells whenever I try to do any of the things that I have specified above and awakens the other me. It makes me recall the certain untoward and unexpected incidents that have happened over the past two years-

1. betrayals in friendship and in love..
2. Mistrust of people close to you..
3.The occassions when I couldn't get solace or support from people around me..
4.The rough times when I needed a shoulder to cry and I was offered none as the latter part took the better of me and refrained me from telling things to certain close people until I was strong enough to laugh off the incidents in the fear that others may laugh at my endeavours.

Which 'me' is going to win eventually?

Will I go back to become what I was a few years ago?

Will there ever be an end to the continuous raging battle in the form of my mind's rumblings?

May the best thing win.. Or has it already won in the process of reforming me into the person I am today- 'matured' and 'resilient'

Naa aana iss des lado!!

I was reading this post on a fellow blogger's blog and it brought tears to my eyes. The blogger had described her early life in a post which goes as follows: 

"The day her mother delivered her,she refused to even look at her let alone feed her just because she was girl and her mother wanted a male child. After a few days she was sent to her gran's place to be looked after. After a few years she was brought back however her mother's hatred continued towards her."


Such incidents happen even today. Whenever a woman gets pregnant, the so called elders bless her as 'may you be the mother of a bubbly little boy'. If she delivers a girl child it is portrayed as a sin and that there is some problem with the 'mother'.


Though women have got reservations in the parliament, in trains, buses, government offices and the world is screaming about gender equality being enforced everywhere, we still stand afar from the so called 'equal' status.

As girls, we are confined to the four walls in the house and restricted from playing or going out with others. Right through our childhood we are made to compromise our desires and lead life as per the wishes of our parents. We are made to sacrifice our dreams of spreading our wings and go flying. 

Today, though a lot of women have made it big in a diverse quarters, there are a lot many women who are still confined to their houses.

A girl is expected to listen to and follow her parents instructions till she gets married failing which she may not be considered a good 'marriage material'. The day she gets married, she has to stop helping her parents though her husband and in-laws are doing exceptionally well. Even her parents stop telling her their problems as she doesn't belong  to their family anymore as goes the popular saying in kannada- 'kotta hennu kulakke horage' which transliterates to 'a gal after marriage is out of clan'.


After marriage, the girl is expected to follow the weird rules laid out by her husband and his parents. The girl is expected to consider the new house as hers though the 'new' family doesn't consider her to be one amongst them. Sometimes the problems at the in-laws will not be spoken of in-front of her for the sole reason that she is new to the family and doesn't belong to the family yet. There starts the dilemma in the girl- where does she actually belong - her birth house or her in-laws house (or should i say whom does she belong to?)

Though she is the backbone of all the families, the one who takes up all the gargantuan and smaller tasks, sacrificing her life throughout, she is far from being accepted and acknowledged for her contribution and support towards it.

Though we say that there is women empowerment today as compared to two or three decades earlier, it takes a lot of open minded people and major change in the way people think to give the women what they actually deserve.

Will she ever be accepted the way she is without having her wings clipped?

Will there ever be a never-sagging support from everyone and more importantly her family till she succeeds?

Will there ever be a cushion when she falls?

Will she be given enough time to empower herself?

Or should we continue praying god for the male progeny and silently whisper- 'Naa aana iss des laado'!!

Are you mature yet??

There are times when.. 

   You know that you are being rude towards a person, yet you continue to be, just not to hurt the other person with the truth and sometimes not to hurt yourself..
 You need to clarify something to a person yet you choose to remain silent just to show that you do not care or when you know that the answer can change the person's life..
  You know that you deserve a response or clarification behind a person's actions yet you choose to let things be as you feel that the unknown is better than the known..
  You know that you are bring avoided by a person yet you continue to pretend that you are unaware..
  You know that you are hurt by a person and want to avoid the person completely yet you continue to be there for the person..
  You know that someone needs you during their bad times yet you choose to leave the person alone just to make the person strong and independent..
  You know that you are not being loved by that someone who means a lot to, you yet you continue to love them silently just in the hope that your love may be acknowledged and reciprocated someday..
  You know a person loves you dearly yet you don't reciprocate it and let it go just to avoid hurting the person and sometimes yourself..
These are the times when the heart rules over your mind and at other times, the kid in you vaporizes to make way for the mature you..
Whom to hold account for at these times - the other person or the mature you?

You deserve someone better!!

Loving someone is easy however continuing to shower love to the person is way too difficult for many of us.
 
None of us are sure as to what and why things go wrong eventually. Primarily, expectations are what makes us apart. We tend to expect the person to treat us in a way we have been treated in the initial days of the relationship. 

The 'miss you', 'love you', 'let's meet up', 'can't wait to see you' kind of messages give way to 'talk to you later', 'am busy right now', 'Can't meet, stuck up with some work'. 

When things go from bad to worse and the road ahead is a dead-end, the most common excuse people come up with is 'You are good so you deserve someone better'.

My question is why say 'you deserve someone better' and not put efforts to become 'better' to the extent the person deserves?

The First Date

It is drizzling outside and all that is visible is the soft orange glow entering the restaurant's side wall from the mixture of headlights of the passing cars and the street lights placed equidistantly. 

Anushka is sitting in the corner table facing the street and her fingers are fidgeting the top end of the menu that the waiter had placed as her mind drifts to the evening she had met Rishabh. 

It was during an office party that they had met eachother. Anushka had come out of the dance bar to attend her mother's call. On disconnecting, she heard the hum of her favorite song coming from the direction of the artificial rivulet.

On walking towards the sound, she found that a lonely figure - Rishabh was humming the song. Seeing the startled expression on Rishabh's face, Anu blushed and introduced herself. Before they could know more about eachother, Anu's friends came out looking for her and took her inside. 

After a couple of days Rishabh and Anu bump into eachother in the lift and exchange smiles. A couple of such unprecedented meetings later Rishabh searches for her name in the office communicator and pings a 'hi'. 

The next day Anu responds to the ping saying she hadn't noticed the chat the previous day as she was on leave. Over the next few days they continue their conversations over the communicator. During the course of their conversations they find out that they have a lot of common interests.

One day, a week later, he offered to drop her home as he had to meet his friend and Anu's house was on the way. On reaching her house they exchange their numbers and Rishabh hurried to meet his friend. On returning home he sees a message from Anu thanking him for the ride home.

On friday evening he gives her a call and asks her to meet him at the coffee shop at 6 to which she reluctantly agreed. Now here she is, waiting for the guy whom she had known for less than a fortnight.

Rishabh comes and sits opposite to her and apologizes for being late to which she smiles. He is wearing an Indigo colored checkered shirt which is accentuating his striking features.

They speak for an hour about the general stuff and when they get ready to leave, he asks her if they can go on a drive to which she readily agrees.

They drive for half an hour and it surprises her when she sees the place he has brought her. It was the same place where they had first met.

She goes to the bench near the rivulet and sits down and he follows her with a rose in his hand.

He gives her the rose and asks her to marry him to which she is surprised. Tears start to roll down her cheek and she nods in approval to his proposal.

Is the wait worth waiting for?

Sanjana: there is no point talking to you. You never understand.

Rakesh: hey I have always been like this. You failed to see the reality and now you are blaming me.

Sanjana: yes am at fault for having misjudged you. Anyway good bye.

The line went dead and tears started streaming down her eyes. She closed her eyes tight to stop the flashes of the in numerous conversations that had happened between them. She sat there helplessly waiting for his call.

It had been four months after the conversation and she had not got any sort of communication from him.

Sanjana was working when she had got a mail on her personal mail one and half years ago. It was his mail asking for her number. She sent him her number and in less than five minutes she got his message. Her joy knew no bounds as he had vanished all of a sudden a few months before and had returned when she had lost all hopes.

As a couple of months flew by, they both started liking each other. However after three months of seeing each other one day he said that he was no longer sure about their relationship as he was hurt due to his past.

The first crack appeared then and the innumerous attempts of Sanjana to determine what went wrong between them failed. As days flew, their daily conversations turned out to be weekly then fort-nightly and off-lately as and when he needed.

A lot was happening in Sanjana's life at the moment- her close friend had walked out on her, her dream of doing masters was washed in drain as she got to know that the name of the postgraduate degree she had enrolled would be getting changed as per UGC norms, the pressure to perform in her new team and the pressure to get married (though not from her parents). All these in addition to Rakesh's ignorance.

He failed to listen to her and had started to call her when he had something to share or crib about.

The conversation before the last call had gone like this:

Rakesh: why are you not getting married? are you still pondering over me?

Sanjana: (stiffling a tear) lets not talk about this as was decided and agreed upon earlier.

Rakesh: I understand but tell me is it because of me that you are rejecting everyone?

Sanjana: ( thinks in her mind afraid to confess: yes.. I still love you) no

Rakesh: hmmm. Am sorry for what I have done. You were the one who brought me out of the dark
(called love) don't push me into it. I have no where else to go apart from you.

After few mins of talking the topic got re-diverted to Sanjana's marriage.
 
Rakesh: don't be like this. I feel guilty.

Sanjana: why should you be guilty? if I say that I m waiting for you will you accept and marry me? 

Rakesh: no. I can't marry u as I have not thought about marriage yet. You deserve someone better
 
Sanjana: hmmm (thinks when you are not accepting me who else will?)

Similar conversations had happened between the two of them for over an year. Sanjana had thought that Rakesh would accept her someday yet till date he has not returned.

Will Rakesh return?

Can Sanjana wait till then?

Or have they moved on?

Is the wait worth waiting for??

Only time will tell..

The Krishna Key- A book review

'The Krishna Key' is the third fiction of Ashwin Sanghi. The book has been written after a lot of channelized research on one of the greatest mythological characters- Krishna, the eight incarnation of Lord Vishnu on whose existence there has been a lot of speculations in today's world.

Ashwin has brought out the intricate beauty of the character in the form fiction and has backed it up with facts! I would say the book is articulately written touching upon the past from Mahabharata and weaving it into the present times. The way he goes to the past and makes a transition into the present times is enchanting.

The reader gets a different insight into the Mahabharata.. The view which we wouldn't have thought even existed. The book also brings to light the forgotten glory of our motherland 'India' and also refurbishes the history lessons that we have long since forgotten. It also throws light on India's 'secular' nature in that though the people practice different religions and have different beliefs, the teachings are the same in all religions.

It leaves the reader thirsty to read and understand the Mahabharata with the new dimension that has been given just to tie up the loose ends left by the author (the facts that are not required as part of the plot).

The book dwells into the astronomy and also into latest technologies such as carbon dating, genetic engineering and its relevance to the past and its implications in the future.

Pages: 464
Publisher: Westland limited
Cost: 125
Rating: 4/5

The story also touches the intricate beauty of friendship. It revolves around the lives of five people and how an artifact changes their lives. The artifact- a historical seal left behind by Krishna acts as a catalyst to string the chain of events that takes place in the quest of the unknown.The book takes its readers on a journey across parts of north India- be it Dwarka, Jaipur, Himalayas and somnathpura.

Will the unknown be unlocked with the Key or does it reflect on the thought- 'the path is better than the destination'?

To find out grab your copy of 'The Krishna Key'. It definitely is worth reading..

you can grab your copy here:
Amazon: goo.gl/Oqef7k
Flipkart: goo.gl/hTjkjn


About the Author: Ashwin is an entrepreneur by day and a novelist by night. He has authored the best selling novels: 'Rozabal line' and 'Chanakya's Chant'.  Having read 'Chanakya's Chant', I longed to read 'The Krishna Key'. Ashwin is one among the few new age Indian authors who dare to delve into the Indian history as well as mythology.

Mis-communication or the lack of it?

Have you ever wondered why the person who meant the most in life does not mean anything today?

What might have started as a small miscommunication may have been turned into a major tiff just because we hesitate to sit and sort out the differences which may seem trivial at the initial stages. However as days go by and on looking back we realise that the issue could have been resolved by sparing a few minutes.

Most importantly the people involved must confront each other and resolve their differences rather than going about telling others about it which only complicates things. Yet how many of us actually do this? Instead we let things be which will only make matters worse

You are being watched!!!!

As i finished reading the book- 'A Special Relationship' by Douglas Kennedy (the author of internationally best selling book which was filmed 'The Pursuit of Happiness') the happenings of the past year which was a complete disaster barring a couple of things flashes across my eyes.

In the novel the protagonist's life turns helter skelter by her actions and words with the only person whom she trusts- her lover turned husband. It ends with a positive note though with how her reaction to the negatives and her sticking to her principles reinstates her life.

The downturn of events in my life started last may and everything that i have said, everything that i have done, everything that i have been has been used against me and has turned me into the person i am today..

Lost the friend who meant a lot as a result of what i had done- value my self-respect when the need arose..

Lost the love of my life as a result of what i had been- trusting him completely and hoping that he would stick to his words which eventually turned out to be only words with no feelings or meaning.

Lastly the result of what i had said- I opted for a team change in the same organisation and my boss screwed my appraisal. He thought that by hampering my appraisal he could cause distress in my personal life.

Thanks to all these which have made me stronger at the cost of losing trust on the words- friendship, love and forcing me to eye people with suspicion.

Hurting sentiments and feelings has become a favorite hobby of everyone around so better be careful about
                    what you are!!
                            what you do!!
                                    what you say!!

for everything can be taken down and used against you. The more cautious you are and the more introvert you are helps you lead life better.. You are being watched, analyzed and evaluated each moment of your life..

World Vision 2020

This was the prompt given to the on-the-spot collage competition during the independence day celebrations which Huda and myself participated. It was the first time i took part in collage competition apart from hosting it while in college.


We had half an hour time to come up with a collage and we were the last minute registrants. We wanted a break from the everyday routine so we registered on the condition that the team hosting it had to supply us the newspapers, adhesives, cardboard. ( i know it was too much ;))

We went to the cafeteria where it was being hosted and were given the supplies. We were going through the different pictures in the papers when the HR announced the topic on which we were supposed to do the collage.

We finalised a few pictures which we thought made sense to the topic and while I was cutting them, huda went about glueing them onto the KG Card board that we were handed out.

We had decided that we will divide the cardboard into two halves- one half depicting the good and other half the bad aspects of 2020.

It came out well and finally the moment arrived when we had to say something about why we have chosen the pictures post which the judge asked a couple of questions.

This is what we did:

the good aspects about 2020 were: women empowerment, entrepreneurship, more emphasis to non academic concepts like music etc

While the bad aspects comprised of deforestation paving way to concrete jungles, advancements in warfare technology.

last but not the least the hand in the centre which was chained to depict that it was within us to make the world a better place to live in.

Seeing our collage, the judge was impressed and we were given first prize amongst the six teams which had participated.

We were beaming with pride.. :)

The second day of the celebrations had dumbcharades in which we participated and came first out of the 12 teams that had participated. Another first for me.. :) Thanks to huda who had trained me and also the various coded actions that we had practised. There were three rounds in which huda enacted the movie names in first and third round and I in second. I took less than ten secs to identify the movie names while it took abt 30-50 secs for huda as I was literally dumb and nervous. The movie names we got were

first round- Vicky donor(she enacted Ayushman and people around were dumb founded when I guessed the movie as they had expected that it was a little tough one to enact)

Second round- bombay talkies

Third round- bhootnath