Book Bucket Challenge

What can be the worst sort of a challenge to a book-lover than to choose only 10 books that have influenced their life from the list of books read? Here is my biased list for the same

1. The Monk who sold his Ferrari - Robin Sharma
2. The Secret - Rhonda Byrne (The power of positive thinking)
3. The Fault in Our Stars - John Green (To accept life as it comes and
4. A sudden change of heart - Jodi Picoult (The act of forgiving)
5. The Notebook, The Wedding and The Lucky One - Nicholas Sparks (The power of Love)
6. Life is what you make it and The Secret Wishlist - Preeti Shenoy (To believe in oneself)
7. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
8. Shiva Trilogy – Amish Tripati
9. Dan brown series (Angels and Demons, Digital Fortress, Deception Point)
10. Erich Segal novels- Acts of Faith, Doctors, The Class and Love Story

Other books worth mentioning are
1.'Three Weeks in Paris'- Barbara Taylor Bradford,
2. Karna's wife the outcast's queen - Kavita kane,
3. Paradise - Judith Mcnaught
4. A thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
5. The One You Cannot Have - Preeti Shenoy
6. A good yarn - Debbie Macomber
7. Darling Daughters - Debbie Macomber
8. Paths of glory- Jeffery Archer
9. Krishna Key - Ashwin Sanghi
10. Tea for two and a piece of Cake- Preeti Shenoy
11. The Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri

P.S. I liked the movie 'A walk to remember' which is an adaptation of the novel by Nicholas Sparks with the same name

Expectations!!

Most commonly when the couple meet for the first time in case of arranged marriages (not sure if this applies to love marriages as well), after the preliminary introductions between them once they are sent separately to talk, the first question that either of them ask is 'What are your expectations (from me and from the relationship)?'

This is a googly question cause the more you tell there is a chance that the proposal may not materialize while the less you tell may lead to conflicts later as time progresses if the relationship is sealed.

As a matter of fact though the expectation from a relationship is bare minimum in the initial days, as days go by the basic expectations increase. 

In each of the five meetings that I have had with guys,  barring once I was shot the question first. It seemed to me as though the answer had been memorized and the same answer replayed to each of them. My expectation from the guy I would get married is that he has to take care of my parents as his own and in turn I would treat his's as mine. 

While this is the basic expectation there are a few other things that I would like to list out. The guy I would want to marry must be:
1. Honest
2. Trust worthy
3. Epitome of strength to me
4. Extrovert
5. Straight forward (at times he must know to sugar coat)
6. Respect me
7. Be broadminded (or much better open minded)
8. Non judgmental
9. Have his space and give me mine

10. Lastly accept you for what you are rather than wanting you to change. 

Have i missed anything? do let me know :)

Harassed? who is at fault?

Over the weekend, we could see only one news flashing across all the news channels- Actress Preity Zinta had filed a harassment case against her kings XI co-owner and ex lover Ness Wadia. Though the incident happened on 30th May 2014 it was brought to light only on 14th June 2014. Lot of people went about saying that its Preity's fault cause she had enjoyed all the benefits of being a businessman's girlfriend and now is accusing him of misbehavior.

Though nothing is certain about who is guilty and who is taking undue advantage, the incident has pushed me to write something in this regard. The most common issue that women face irrespective of whether she is educated, earning well, single or married; the stares, touch, words - sometimes knowingly and at other times unknowingly. Why do people fail to understand the discomfort that they cause with these demeanor?

 If these untoward incidents happen due to strangers then we can very well take action yet it hurts the most when a person who is close to us does that. While many men tell that they are against such things and join the women in their protests there are a few who are all words of sympathy and no action.

 Last month a few rape cases were reported from Uttar Pradesh. When one of the journalists asked the chief minister about the action he would take, he got a shocking reply- 'Did it happen to you? No right? Then continue with your work its all common'. If a person with power and education replies in this manner then what to expect from others?

There are times when a woman has to listen to things like - being a lady its easier for you to get things done for everyone has a soft corner towards you. At office, if a lady gets promoted faster and if she is praised for her worthiness people go about talking that she would have slept with her boss. What a crap thinking! Can't women be smart?

 If a guy helps a girl it doesn't mean that they both aren't going around with each other.If we join you for lunch or coffee it doesn't mean that we are giving you an invitation or the feeling that we are hitting on you.

Even if you are our friend (sometimes a very good friend too) it doesn't mean that you can tell us whatever comes to your mind and even if you like us and are possessive about us please don't look at us with love filled eyes if you know that the relationship cannot be taken forward.. We are not comfortable with all the lovey-dovey aspects though we are the most romantic creatures on earth.

Give us the space and remember that we won't mind getting a scan done if we need medical analysis but hate to be scanned by the eyes. We are not some showpieces to be stared at or non living things to be touched and felt. 

I love u but or but I love you?

There are a lot of instances wherein we know that the person behind the memories means a lot to us especially if the person concerned is part of the past.

While it is easy to say 'I love you', the sentence has an altogether different effect if it is prefixed or suffixed with a three-lettered word 'but'.

It brings immense joy if a person says '....But I love you..'

While the sentence 'I love you but,...’ has its opposite effect. Yet today I feel like telling some person the second sentence for I know that in spite of giving a lot of chances, the person has failed to make use of it. I know for a fact that though I say 'I love you' it doesn't have any implications on the person while it still hurts me when I look back and realize that I had liked him when I was nothing but a cat's-paw to him- a stopover in his journey of life. All that mattered to him was him- a narcissist with no feelings for others. Today am happy that it didn't work out for what I am is and what I expect is much different from his way of leading life- seclusion. 

Hopefully I get to say the second sentence to that someone who enters my life and stays put without having to leave me, the one who loves me despite all my insecurities and glues the million shattered pieces of my heart, the one who holds my hand and makes me realize why I have failed previously..

Convince or compromise?

Today I was having a casual talk with a good friend Appu. We were discussing on relationships and marriages. I told him that love marriages are better while he was of the opinion that arranged marriages are better. I was trying to justify my opinion saying since we know the person before, I feel love marriages were better while he was of the opinion that though we know the person, the self esteem of the individual comes down in the eyes of both the families during love marriages.

As the discussion progressed, he told a factual sentence which most of us wouldn't have given a thought -'the most common mistake that all of us do is rather than convincing the people around us about our thoughts and beliefs, we tend to compromise so as to not hurt the people around and in the long run we end up feeling unhappy'.

Isn't it true that only if we are happy that we can bring upon smiles and happiness in the lives of people around us?

We should remember this each time we think of giving up something we cherish a lot.

Good luck. :)

A letter to my child

Dear Child,

Hope you get to read this mail someday when the time is right which i feel is the teens for that is the right age for you to understand what I have got to say.

There is a saying which goes like this-'Its not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings'. So it becomes my responsibility to tell you as to how to face the world that ceases to be all it used it has been till now for you. You get to see the real side of the world now- Competition, jealousy, selfishness, mistrust and what not. Yet, don't generalize that the world is bad for without all these, life becomes dull.

All I want to tell you is even I have been through all the uncertainties and the confusions that you are going through now. We as parents may sometimes be forced to succumb to the societal pressures and  would expect you to lead life in a certain way. It doesn't mean that we have stopped loving you or caring for you. Give us time, talk to us and make us understand as to what and why you think what you are doing is right.. we will surely understand and support you.

At this age, I do agree that all you need is a patient ear to hear what you got to say. Everything you see tempts you to give a try. I wouldn't stop you from doing what is right but please be honest and truthful to yourself. If you feel its right do it, when you are unsure, i am always there for you. Tell me what you are going through and how you are feeling for I can't read or understand all the zillion thoughts that swish across your mind. I do know that you are equally nervous as I am about you.

Be confident and bold about yourself. When you feel that something is wrong, stand up and fight for yourself and the ones who deserve to be fought for but also know when to hold back. If you realize that you have done something wrong, don't regret for we all learn from our mistakes. Each time you fall down, don't forget to pick yourself up and go on in life.

Stick to your principles. Never compromise on your ideals due to peer pressure but don't be resilient to change as well.

Though people say that love is surreal. I would say its the most beautiful feeling and a bliss if you find the right person. Don't shun away from it. All I request you is once you commit, never shudder away.. for it is wrong. There will be in-numerous dreams, hopes and aspirations from you. Never let down the person at any cost for you will be their support system. Also remember no relationship is perfect. It is within us to try to make it perfect. If need arises, fight for each other than fighting with each other. If there are misunderstandings, sit down and sort it out. Only when you feel that you are not amicable with each other and nothing can be done to keep the relationship alive, think of separation as it is the last resort. Remember that though there may be thousand reasons to give up, only one strong reason is enough to hold on.

Never cause pain to anyone. Nobody bothers if you are not of help but don't be the reason for someone's pain. If something is bothering you, take a break from what you are doing and contemplate with a calm mind. If it still bothers you, talk to anyone you are comfortable with.

Do not forget- You are special. Learn to listen to what your heart has got to tell for it know what is right for you. Be self-sufficient, self-confident and happy always but not self-centered.

When things go wrong, it is for a short period of time. Don't lose hope and give up. Once the tough phase passes, you will sit back and laugh at it. 

Lastly, if you are a girl, remember you are special and there is nothing impossible. When someone says that you cannot do it, put in a little more effort and see the results for yourself. Am sure it will leave the person spellbound. 

If you are a boy, please do respect women- be it your family or friends or the stranger on the road. Never degrade anyone for it doesn't harm them but you will fall in their eyes.

Never judge anyone for each person will be fighting their own demons, insecurities and shortcomings.

Live the moment else it becomes a memory.

Love you loads and here are my hugs and kisses..

Your loving Mom..

My mom... my superstar

If you're a sword, she's your shield,

If you're a spark, she’s your Kindle.

If you’re a ship, she's your mast,

If you're the night, she's your moon..

She is none other than a mother.

Mother - a word in the dictionary that means a woman in relation to a child to whom she has given birth, to the child it means the world.

A mother is one who plays a Zillion roles in her children's lives and nothing can surpass the myriad gifts she bestows upon her children. She is the one who bestows upon her child everything from wisdom, character, humor, patience, strength, compassion, diligence, beauty and unconditional love to godliness.

She is the child's many 'firsts'. Its first friend, guide, philosopher, teacher, sibling.

Image Source: Zomato page on facebook

Showering her unselfish affection, she works tirelessly around the clock to give her very best to the child. She is the only person who doesn't expect anything in return in spite of sacrificing everything for her child. She carries the child in her womb for nine months and when it is born, its a re-birth to her. She forgets all the pain she under goes in labor the moment she holds the kid in her arms. In the initial days of the child’s life on earth, she spends many a sleepless nights just to ensure that her kid sleeps peacefully. Each child of hers is special to her.

Even if the entire world turns against the child, she will be its constant companion. She holds its hand when it falls to the ground. She pushes it to try and never give up. Each accomplishment brings a smile on her face however small it is. She beams with pride with its first steps, first words, victories and each accomplishment.

What more can I ask than her well-being and happiness?

It is your smile that I look forward to everyday after I return from work mom.

Forgive me for all the wrongs that I have done, for without you, I am nothing.

I need your hands to guide me in all my steps.

I need your soothing hug for it can set-right all the wrong happenings in my life.

I need you to walk beside me each time I take a new path.

I need you to strengthen me when I am down.

I need you to pat me to sleep on the many sleepless nights I have.

I need you to comfort me when the entire world takes on me.

Mom, you are special, my super-woman. Love you loads <3

Image Source: Google

A video that i watched today has summarized everything that is on my mind. A tribute to all the wonderful mother's in the world.

Why are we resilient to Change?

Why are we resilient to change?- be it changing ourselves for good or the surroundings that we live or even the material possessions that we own or as a matter of fact our work place?

Though the 'change' is for something better, we feel insecure and also unsure of what the future has in store for us. It is always hard to let go- be it humans or the material possessions.

Most people are fearful of change because they don't believe they have any control over how or when it happens to them. Since change happens either to the individual or by the individual, what matters most is the attitude we have about change.

During my high school days, i had read the book 'Who moved my Cheese?' by Spencer Johnson. The book describes the changes in one's work and life, and four typical reactions to the said change by two mice "Sniff" and "Scurry," and two little people,"Hem" and "Haw.", during their hunt for cheese.

Likewise i see a lot of people whose lives turn for good yet they keep cribbing about trivial issues like weather, transport, traffic etc.

Can people ever accept life as it comes to them without much qualms?

What to do instead of gnawing about change? (As written by 'Haw' on finding the new cheese station)

1.Change Happens - They Keep Moving The Cheese

2.Anticipate Change - Get Ready For The Cheese To Move

3.Monitor Change- Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old

4.Adapt To Change Quickly- The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese

5.Change- Move With The Cheese

6. Enjoy Change!- Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!

7. Be Ready To Change Quickly And Enjoy It Again- They Keep Moving The Cheese

Rather than focusing only on the negative impact due to change, let's embrace the change for the betterment of ourselves. Remember if the caterpillar was resilient to change then we wouldn't see the butterfly

'Don't be afraid to change for you may lose something good but may gain something better'.

P.S. This post was written when i was having butterflies to replace my phone that i had been using since 7th August 2011. I got a new phone as a birthday gift from my sister :) 

Power of thoughts

There is a saying which goes like this: watch your thoughts for they become your words, watch your words for they become your actions..

This indicates that thoughts directly or indirectly control your life and its actions. So be careful about what you think. If you think positive, you can achieve miracles. If you are negative even the simplest of the tasks becomes tough.

There is one story to illustrate the effects of negative thoughts and actions: In some part of the world, there is a village in which of the villagers need firewood from a tree which is lush and green, all of them surround it and curse it the result of which makes the tree go dry and eventually die from which they collect dry wood for their livelihood.

Similarly the power train of thoughts in one's mind can make or break the person's life. For instance the cricketer Yuvraj Singh and the actress Manisha Koirala were able to cure themselves from the bout of cancer mainly due to the positivity that they had. From my personal experience, my grand dad was able to overcome his first bout of cancer due to his positivity and later succumbed to it when it returned three years later just because he gave up on himself and his life.

So beware of what you think.. Be positive (not only in terms of blood group but also in your thoughts). Nothing is ever unattainable.

During those tough times....

As all the days in the year cannot be the same in that there are sunny days, rainy days, chilly days so are the days in our lives: Some good, some bad and others worst. While all we want to remember are only the good times, we cannot ignore the learning from the not-so-good times.

How to deal with these minor/major set-backs of life?

There are innumerous ways in which people deal with such times- Some cry, some fret, some start socializing while others withdraw into their shells till they feel better.

I feel that when one is facing tough times, one needs to:

1. Try harder: If certain situations can be set right by putting in a little extra effort, then go the extra mile and get things right
2. Be Patient: If there is nothing that can be done about a situation, then be patient as the best days are yet to come
3.  Find an alternative: If the tough times are something that can be changed such as heartbreaks, find an alternative- take up a new hobby, start doing something that you have discontinued. If you are passionate about painting, paint ; if you like dancing start dancing; if you are keen about writing- write.
4. Think of times/ things that make us happy: It gives in the much required positivity in life
5. Be Positive: The current times are not the end. In fact they are the stepping stones to better tomorrows
6.  Don’t lose hope: for that gives the strength to face the world better 
7. Socialize: Never get drawn into your own world for that makes you think more about the tough times and there are chances that you may get an on-rush of self-pity which is absolutely unnecessary
8. Confront/Talk: More often than not we find situations wherein the people who are the reason behind the tough times are worse than the situation itself. At such times, confront the person, sit down and talk it out rather than bearing the grudge forever. It can  help clear the stale bad air and may also make the person treat you right.

                                                    Pic source: Google

In case you know anyone who is undergoing tough times Listen- for at times, people don’t need you to sympathize or your advices. All they need is a patient ear as they will be able to clear their brains off the things that is bothering them. They will end up being stronger and calmer

There is always a reason for everything that happens in life. You are in charge of everything. Make the best of what has been offered.

Remember: THE BEST IS YET TO COME!


Keep Smiling :)

Why am I me?

How can I hate others when all that I have for myself is pure hatred?

While it is easy to love someone why is it that its so darn difficult to love oneself?

What is it that I have done that though there are a lot many people who love me for what I am, I am unable to love myself?

Why is it that when it is easier for people around to brag about themselves, that I find it difficult to even utter a word about what I have been?

Why is it that I cant let me take pride for having done things which a lot many can only dream of?

Why do I feel that i find it easy to push myself hard when things are tough than reward myself when 
it is a job well done?

Why have I let down my parents when all I have wanted is make them proud?

Why am I being curt?

Why am I me?

Yet I can't dream of being anyone else apart from being me.. Is there an end to my mind's rumblings?

Quarter life crisis

Well no prizes for guessing the meaning of the post title.

Let me explain the meaning for most of us who are coming across this word for the first time. We all have heard and known what is meant by a mid-life crisis which is a fear or feeling for people in age group 35-50 who have spent half of their lives. It is the time of their life wherein they have everything set in their life- earning a decent salary, a good and understanding family, a planned retirement, a top and comfortable position in the company that they are working for quite some time now, less of reporting to somebody else and lot of being reported to about the what, hows etc. Yet a question looms as to if the wealth he or she has accumulated is enough to take care of the family till the end, if the right decisions have been made in the past, about the careers and the education of the children, if their spouses still love them the same etc and what is it that could have been done better?

Coming back to the blog title, it is a question that hovers in the minds of most of them in the age group - 25 to 30. Most of them would have completed their graduation (provided they have not had a lot of year-backs) and would have added a minimum of 2+ years of professional experience and a few travels to their curriculum vitae. It is that age wherein the gloominess of everything sets in. Till the age of 22 or 23 we would be taken care off well by our parents and the only tensions that we have in our lives would be those of exams and more often than not of heart-breaks. Our parents and all elders would have been asking us to just concentrate on our studies as our grades will pave a way for our grandeur future. Well when we are in our mid-20's we realise that the student days were the best days of our lives as everyday now we face a different exam. Earlier trusting someone would be easier but having faced the brutal world, it becomes difficult to trust our own self. Adding fuel to the confusions, we start doubting our capabilities and also wonder if we have made the right career choice for ourselves, friends drift apart as there is less time for self let alone friends. Even if we break this barrier and try to make time for friends, a wave of uncertainty glooms in when the same friends who would be ready to do anything for you and viceversa do nothing apart from boasting off their minor (and major) accomplishments.

Long term friendships, relationships come to an end abruptly. Love, trust, understanding give way for doubt, ego and pride. The child like self-confidence of winning the world over will make way for self-doubt.

During college days there would be constraints on the money. Now inspite of having thousands and lakhs of rupees in our accounts we seldom have time or friends to share our feelings.

We realise that the canteen-chai and samosas were more tastier as there would be people and ample time to share it with and also do masti as against the heavy wallets that gives you the freedom to choose the 5-star or 7-star hotel of your choice yet no one for company or time.

All these make people mature and grow old fast.. Do you have the time to spend with friends or friends to spend time with?

Cherish each moment for the time spent is the time lost..


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