Why am I me?

How can I hate others when all that I have for myself is pure hatred?

While it is easy to love someone why is it that its so darn difficult to love oneself?

What is it that I have done that though there are a lot many people who love me for what I am, I am unable to love myself?

Why is it that when it is easier for people around to brag about themselves, that I find it difficult to even utter a word about what I have been?

Why is it that I cant let me take pride for having done things which a lot many can only dream of?

Why do I feel that i find it easy to push myself hard when things are tough than reward myself when 
it is a job well done?

Why have I let down my parents when all I have wanted is make them proud?

Why am I being curt?

Why am I me?

Yet I can't dream of being anyone else apart from being me.. Is there an end to my mind's rumblings?

Mind's rumblings

Am not sure whether it is split personality or bipolar disorder that I am suffering from!

There are two me's.. One which asks me to:

1.trust people
2.love somone unconditionally
3.care for people around me
4.help the needy
5. Empathize with others 

Yet there is the second part of me that is more realistic and rings appropriate warning bells whenever I try to do any of the things that I have specified above and awakens the other me. It makes me recall the certain untoward and unexpected incidents that have happened over the past two years-

1. betrayals in friendship and in love..
2. Mistrust of people close to you..
3.The occassions when I couldn't get solace or support from people around me..
4.The rough times when I needed a shoulder to cry and I was offered none as the latter part took the better of me and refrained me from telling things to certain close people until I was strong enough to laugh off the incidents in the fear that others may laugh at my endeavours.

Which 'me' is going to win eventually?

Will I go back to become what I was a few years ago?

Will there ever be an end to the continuous raging battle in the form of my mind's rumblings?

May the best thing win.. Or has it already won in the process of reforming me into the person I am today- 'matured' and 'resilient'