Life Goes On..

Am I a good person?
This is a question that every individual has to ask himself if he is able to answer this question satisfactorily/ with pride then he has a long way to go
As kids, we all tend to be sweet, innocent and unaware of this world.. As we grow older, life slaps us and thrashes the innocence out of us thus leaving us bare to face the reality.. on facing the reality, we tend to kill the real us, for the world doesn’t care about sweetness. May be the innocent, good part of us never dies we just trample it for the fear of being mocked by the society
Life is not about what we want to do, but about what we ought to do. Yet it doesn’t offer us the same chance twice

We all tend to make sacrifices for the people we love, yet we try not to bring such sacrifices into light as we feel that it may hurt the person for whom the sacrifice was made. Sometimes a few questions pops up- if the sacrifice is worth it at all or does the sacrifice serve its purpose?
Sometimes we go ahead and sacrifice everything for the sake of love, at times we sacrifice love for everything around us. In either case, the benefactor doesn’t realize the sacrifice thus causing pain (though unintentionally). Yet there are times when people around us move on and we seem to stagnate in the same place where we stand and other times when we pretend infront of others that we have moved on but the pain of separation/ sacrifice/ memories of the beloved still lingers

The irreversible regret..
Unspoken love..
Unspeakable secret..
Unkept promise..
Unheard request..
An irreplaceable loss..
Unreachable dreams..
Unforgettable first love..
These are the gifts of life to us. Still life is about being happy anyhow.. cos everything in life can be summed up in three words.. “IT GOES ON”
Life goes on..
As it never ends
But I still believe…

The story of my heart

When I had everything, I was welcomed wherever I went… but today I’m sad and alone. I’m going to be bitter and distrustful of people because one person betrayed me. I’m going to hate those who have found their love cos I never found mine. And I’m going to hold onto what little I have cos I’am too insignificant to conquer the world.
We see the world in terms of what we would like to see happen, not what actually does.

I have no one to lose except my family probably the love for them is what’s keeping me alive in times of uncertainty and mental turmoil. People whom i trust have always betrayed and moved on leaving behind only their memories to cherish which at times is more painful than the betrayal itself. Where do I cry? Whom do I share my feelings with? When I look back I see that I have no one to pull me up when I fall. At times though I feel that I have the world with me yet when the reality dawns upon me why do I feel that its just me beside me?
Suddenly my world has fallen silent because my soul has.. Sometimes I sit and stare blankly at the endless sky wishing that everything will end forever at the moment
All we get is to live with our mistakes. Firstly I made a mistake having befriended you. Life been much simpler and without having known you.. yet today its your words and deeds that bringforth tears as sadness that swells my heart.
I don’t dare to dream today nor di I make any efforts in realizing the dreams I so cherished cos I fear that if my dream is realized, I’l have no reason to go on living
Even though I complain sometimes, its cos I’m the heart of a person and people’s hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, cos they feel that they don’t deserve them, or they will be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go far away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in sands. Because when these happen, we suffer terribly
But the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. Yet the reality is no heart suffers when goes in search of its dreams

Confessions of a wounded heart

One song is playing in my mind and also on my phone’s play list since a couple of days. Since the first time I have heard this song, I have fallen in love with it. Each time I listen to it, your memories come gushing to my mind
These are a couple of lines from the song which are special to my heart which goes like this:
“Jo Bhi saanse mein bharu, who tere sang bharu..
Chahe jo ho raastan who tere sang chalu..”
And “Mujhe dhoonde jab koin, tere aankhon mein milu..”
These were exactly the same thoughts that I have cherished since the day I started loving you.

Though I very well know that you have long since stopped loving me (this is evident in your temperament towards me as well as the innumerous conversations where you have specified that you have loved me for a very short period). However I don’t care if you reciprocate my love or not cos I have realized that we should not expect to be loved in return
I had considered myself to be strong and nothing could bog me down until I realized I loved you. As days flew by and our conversations got lengthier, I lost myself completely to you. There came a time when I couldn’t concentrate on anything apart from you. To add to my feelings, you fueled the thought process by talking about us. In reality, though the day never came, I cherish them. Sometimes my eyes swell with tears and more often I console myself thinking that they are haunting memories
I had never thought that someone whom I had not even met could weaken me so much. I accept my mistake of not meeting you inspite of your regular meeting proposals. It was just that I dint want to lose the sweet memories of the couple of unexpected meetings
However I do not want to impose myself or force you to re-consider our relationship as it would be short-lived. I just wish you good luck to move on in life and find a partner who befits your expectations
Good Luck!!!

P.S. This was penned before October but couldn’t post it. Today I am very happy with your decision about your life. I have seen your gal’s pic and she seems to be as u have wanted her to be

The three musketeers

As i was returning home, a trio got down the bus hurriedly and rushed to KFC's this reminded me of my initial days in OFSS when the three of us- Chaz, geez and myself would party hard (lol) in the food court of our techpark..

we have partied during happier times, sad times.. trust me even when one of us would have been scolded by our bosses we would party or when we were scolded by our parents we would party..

the best part was we would be tired, frustrated and angry on the way to the food court but we would emerge as penguins (stuffed till the neck)

earlier the frequency would be once in a week , usually fridays, but later since one of us entered the next phase of life, our outings became less frequent today.. Though the group has increased in size to 8, i miss those special moments shared by the three musketeers.. the bonding and affection that we shared is different..

Thanks gals for making it special

How life changes

Today i was checking out pics on a social networking site and i happened to see my cousin's photo..
Yes though she is my cousin (1st cousin), i haven't met her past 3 years due to some incident that happened which has distanced us apart though we stay in the same city yet we are separated. we have spoken to each other though unintended for a couple of times.

Frankly speaking we never got along well with each other due to the very small age-gap between the 2 of us. She was 3 months younger to me and since we studied in the same class (standard.. though not the same school luckily)there was intense competition to excel and stand first.

Now i see a lot has changed between what we were then and what we are now.

We would meet a few times in a year when we all gathered in our ancestral home to spend the summer vacation yet we were like a house on fire. Me, being short tempered and she being naughty.. today i look back and think why i was so serious about life and dint chill.. i wonder if i have not enjoyed my life to the fullest...

today no matter what i do, i cant recreate the memories i would want it to be :(

ಕರುಣಾಳು ಬಾ ಬೆಳಕೆ....

ಕರುಣಾಳು ಬಾ ಬೆಳಕೆ ಮುಸುಕಿದಿ ಮಬ್ಬಿನಲಿ ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು ನಡೆಸೆನ್ನನು.

ಇರುಳು ಕತ್ತಲೆಯಾ ಗವಿ ಮನೆದೂರ ಕನಿಕರಿಸಿ ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು ನಡೆಸೆನ್ನನು
ಹೇಳಿ ನನ್ನಡಿ ಇಡಿಸು ಬಲು ದೂರ ನೋಟವನು ಕೇಳಲೊಡನೆಯೆ ಸಾಕು ನನಗೊಂದು ಹೆಜ್ಜೆ.
ಮೊನ್ನೆ ಇಂತಿರದಾದೆ ನಿನ್ನ ಬೇಡದೆ ಹೋದೆ ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು ನಡೆಸೆನ್ನನು
ಕರುಣಾಳು ಬಾ ಬೆಳಕೆ ಮುಸುಕಿಡಿ ಮಬ್ಬಿನಲಿ ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು ನಡೆಸೆನ್ನನು
ಇಷ್ಟು ದಿನ ಸಲಹಿರುವೆ ಈಮೂಕನನು ನೀನು, ಮುಂದೆಯೂ ಕೈ ಹಿಡುದು ನಡೆಸದಿಹೆಯಾ ?
ಕಷ್ಟದಡವಿಯ ಕಳೆದು ಬೆಟ್ಟ ಹೊಳೆಗಳ ಹಾದು, ಇರುಳನ್ನು ನೂಕದಿಹೆಯ ?
ಬೆಳಗಾಗ ಹೊಳಯದೆ ಹಿಂದೊಮ್ಮೆ ನಾನೊಲಿದು ಈನಡುವೆ ಕಳಕೊಂಡ ದಿವ್ಯ ಮುಖ ನಗು ತಾ.
ಇರುಳು ಕತ್ತಲೆಯಾ ಗವಿ ಮನೆದೂರ ಕನಿಕರಿಸಿ ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು ನಡೆಸೆನ್ನನು
- B M Shree

The original English composition by John Henry Newman is as follows:

Lead, Kindly Light, amidst th'encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home,
Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.
I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou
Shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!
So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on.
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!
Meantime, along the narrow rugged path,
Thyself hast trod,
Lead, Saviour, lead me home in childlike faith,
Home to my God.
To rest forever after earthly strife
In the calm light of everlasting life."



P.S http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead,_Kindly_Light

Emptiness of the soul

It takes immense strength to pretend as if one is strong even after realizing that one’s world has fallen apart ;(

Having seen your photo in a social networking site in the morning, i was bitten by the emptiness of my soul. Had never felt so empty in my life for anything. :-(

Evening seeing your status as engaged to someone, felt as though my world came crashing down. Knew this had to happen someday but had not expected it so soon.

At least now I hope that I will be able to decide with a clear mind and thoughts will be pure as I will not be guilty of breaking one’s heart.

I would like to thank you for all the undue support and guidance you have given me.

Remembering this line from one of the best movies- “Baala daariyali bere aadru chandira baruvanu namma jote..”
(Though we are separated in our lives, we will still be lead by the moon)

I don't have the courage to ask god why me? cos i have got the best of things in my life. Yet you have been the only diversion and the only failure of my life.

I had let go of you thinking that eventually you will be mine but today i have realized that there was no 'US'.. We were never nor are we destined to be together.

Just hoping that the best is yet to come. After all, there have been a lot of hopes.. All i can tell is though I couldn’t love you the way you had expected to be loved, I loved you in the best way I could.

Few things I learnt from our 'friendship' are never to beg anything especially Love from anyone as it doesn’t create a dew drop of love in the other person’s heart. Also never express your love explicitly to anyone as it doesn’t affect the feelings of the other person. utlimately its i alone who have to cry and suffer.. :(


Today I have lost you forever. Lastly my question is dint you know about your engagement when you had called me on Friendship day? Or should I say I have a better answer for your silence past few months. But the best part is you have found your love for life who is very beautiful just as you had expected her to be.

I still remember you had told me that since i wouldn't come to meet you often, u couldn't inculcate feelings for me and today i presume that inspite of the geographical distance between u and your fiance you still have agreed to get married. 

Dint you ever know that we are not made for each other when you had made me build our virtual world filled with everything we love or was it just my illusion?

Was i dreaming when you told me that you were re-designing your room and that the dressing table and the cupboard are for me? or when we were going on our virtual long drives each night? or when you would say - dear i am waiting for you in the bus stop just to pick you? Or did you forget the virtual vacations to Switz and NZ?

today i am realizing that the practical world is much different from what we dream of..

Good Bye i wish you all the best for your life's journey.

The betrayal

We all tend to make promises but its very difficult to keep upto them. We lie to our loved ones just not to hurt them but have we ever thought of the consequences of they finding out the truth through other means? Well actually no.. We all try to evade from the evident present thus ruining our beautiful tomorrows. Also how far can we live in deceit?
it is better to hurt the person with your truth than strengthen the relationship with your lies. The most common betrayals include hiding our love towards a person and pretending as though we dont care. By the way whom are we pleasing with our care-free attitude? Neither are we happy nor are we maintaining a cordial relation with people around us.
Betrayal may be adjudged as an extension of love but in my humble opinion, its politics - politics of betrayal. All of us would have experienced the taste of proverbial double-cross at some point of our lives.
Usually even if the betrayed realises the betrayal he/she might pretend being ignorant just to save the relationship.
Close kin or 'friends' adept at this kind of politics, who might have stabbed you in the back are worthy of the sobriquet only. In such instances, the "tit for tat" attitude wouldn't behove the victim. One may not have the courage or infact knowledge to be aware of would-be betrayers either. Therefore there is only one wise thing to be done- to strive and become a stronger individual after such experiences and to move on boldly in life..

Lastly we must always love our lives as it alone teaches us the ways to move on and lead a fuller life just as we cherish it to be..
Love you Zindagi

Failure

A Letter From Yesterday

Poets often describe Love as an emotion that we can’t control, one that over whelms logic and common sense. That’s what it was like for me. I dint plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love (at least I think so), despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created for me, love like that has happened only once, and thats the reason every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I will not forget a single moment of it.

I know it can’t be the same between us, but that doesn’t change the way i felt about you then. Though I don’t describe it as a passionate relationship, I am convinced that it is not necessary to be fulfilled in a relationship, even with the person I intend to marry. Passion fades with time, thus allowing companionship and compatibility to take its place.

There have been times when we were not in talking terms and that has been the time when I have missed you the most. Many a times I would feel like contacting you, just to know that you are alright. Though I would draft messages and mails to send you, I would stop myself fearing what I might find. What if you had gone on in your life and I dint want to think about you loving someone else. I wanted to remember us like we were together. I don’t want to ever lose that.

U and I were different, coming from different worlds and yet you were the one who taught me the value of love. You showed me what it was like to care for another, and I am a better person because of it. I don’t want you to ever forget that.

I am not bitter because of what has happened. On the contrary, I am secure in knowing that we were real, and I am happy that we were able to come together, for even a short period of time. And if, in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I will smile at you with joy and remember the good times we have had with each other, learning from each other and growing in love. And may be, for a brief moment, you will feel too, and you will smile back, and savor the memories we will always have together.

I Love you