What's in a name!!

Out of the blue, a cousin of mine pinged me on facebook messenger to ask if i had changed my name after marriage(Now that i have been married for close to 2 years):

The discussion was like this:

He: I was just wondering if you have changed your name after marriage.Whats the present trend .My wife hasn't

Me: I have not changed it too.. I am happy and content with the name that has made me who I am.. proud to be my father's daughter first

He: Absolutely correct for Kitta Mama. He is a grt man, a good mentor and of course was also a terror in DSM when I was very young.Still remember him taking the pesticide back pack with the sprinkler in his hand

Me: thanks for such words :)

He: Whatever said is from my heart rather I can say these were my wordings.

Proud daughter!!

After the discussion, i was wondering if it is really necessary to change one's name after marriage. While i see most of my friends or relatives changing the name soon after marriage or adding their spouse's name or family name after their name, i still dint get to understand the significance of the same.

While it is our maiden name that has given us everything and has made us what we are, i opine that it should be left to the girl to append her spouse's name or family name to her's.

or would i Rather say - 'What's in a name!!'

 

One fateful Evening...

'What the hell is going on between my husband and that bitch?' Maya's patience was at its lowest ebb and she was ready to burst.

Sanjay knew that she was serious. 'Look, Maya. There is nothing going on between the two of them. Just over-possessiveness or Insecurity, I'd say.'

'Possessiveness? Or Insecurity? Really Sanjay . . .' she rolled her eyes in disgust. 'That's what you men call it? There is nothing healthy about insecurity or possessiveness, Sanjay, not for a married man.

Insecurity or Possessiveness over a married man by a friend has no meaning.' She got up from her seat and walked around the room gesticulating and muttering something to herself. Suddenly she stopped, kept quiet, waited for Sanjay to speak. When she dint get any response from him, she asked, 'Did my husband have feelings for her or did she have feelings for him? You are his friend. Did he ever tell you anything about it?'

Sanjay tried to pacify Maya saying that they were colleagues and good friends. Nothing more than that. Yet she felt that something was amiss. Can a friend have as much hold on a person that he fails to give time or value the bond shared between husband and wife?

After disconnecting the call, she stood there with tears streaming down her face in the darkness.

Later as she lay on her bed, contemplating on the day's events and what led to the argument, her thoughts drifted back to the day Manav had first mentioned about 'her' saying she is a good friend who stood through his thick and thin. Being born and brought up in a City and a broad minded person, she had accepted the 'friendship' which she failed to realise could be something more. 

All that started was a message from 'her' asking her to scold Manav for eating her share of the snack which led to another message sometime later saying she could have her husband to herself and would not come in Maya's way. After a while, Manav had given her a call asking her to apologise to 'her' which had led to heated argument that he was even ready to divorce Maya if she failed to do as instructed. This had forced Maya to call Sanjay and seek his opinion as he knew his friend better. Yet there were no answers to the innumerous questions that were floating in her mind just like the stars over the head at times of confusion and uncertainty

 She drifted off to sleep after what seemed like ages after waiting for Manav's call to apologize for his rude behaviour which never came.

Expectations!!

Most commonly when the couple meet for the first time in case of arranged marriages (not sure if this applies to love marriages as well), after the preliminary introductions between them once they are sent separately to talk, the first question that either of them ask is 'What are your expectations (from me and from the relationship)?'

This is a googly question cause the more you tell there is a chance that the proposal may not materialize while the less you tell may lead to conflicts later as time progresses if the relationship is sealed.

As a matter of fact though the expectation from a relationship is bare minimum in the initial days, as days go by the basic expectations increase. 

In each of the five meetings that I have had with guys,  barring once I was shot the question first. It seemed to me as though the answer had been memorized and the same answer replayed to each of them. My expectation from the guy I would get married is that he has to take care of my parents as his own and in turn I would treat his's as mine. 

While this is the basic expectation there are a few other things that I would like to list out. The guy I would want to marry must be:
1. Honest
2. Trust worthy
3. Epitome of strength to me
4. Extrovert
5. Straight forward (at times he must know to sugar coat)
6. Respect me
7. Be broadminded (or much better open minded)
8. Non judgmental
9. Have his space and give me mine

10. Lastly accept you for what you are rather than wanting you to change. 

Have i missed anything? do let me know :)