The_____ in me

There was this prompt on one of the insta pages that I follow: We are real moms, the theme of which is ‘The lovely woman’ for the month of February ; ‘The _____ in me’.. The blank could be a reader, writer, dancer, artist, sister in law etc.


My entry to the prompt was this:

No house is complete without the woman who makes it a home. Apart from being a daughter, sister, friend, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and a mother,
🌟 I am the super woman who binds together all these relationships
🌟 a person who can make the house a home ❤️
🌟 the joy that brings upon the smile on my son’s face.
🌟 an engineer by profession while personally donning the hats of an artist 👩‍🎨, reader 📚, blogger 📝, homemaker, traveller 🏍 ✈️ 🚌, a confidant, a doctor 👩‍⚕️ (to take care of my loved ones. Know a bit of ayurveda and also the chemical composition to treat minor illnesses of my family)

I got featured for this entry 🙈

This Valentine’s day all I need is

Dear N,

This Valentine’s day let’s promise eachother these: 

1) Time Time Time ! Even if its just ten minutes in a day. Lets spend quality time with each other. 

2) Watch a Movie together every weekend by holding hands.

3) Let me sleep for a bit longer over the weekends. You know how sleep deprived I am. 

4) A few baby free hours everyday while i cook you your favorite meal. 

5) Travel with me to unknown destinations. Like you used to earlier. I know you love traveling too yet with all the recent developments we are not able to make time for this common interest

6) Confess our love to each other more often.

7) Let’s start working out. We both know we need to get fit. And it’s now or never. Let’s motivate each other to take care of our health and fitness.

With love

Your Wife

#MeToo

Social media sites are filled with #MeToo stories from most of my female friends. I wondered as to what #MeToo meant only to realise that it was a campaign against Assault and sexual harrasment started by one Alyssa Milano in her tweet . It was started to bring to light the magnanimity of harrasment of women.

There are many types of harassment that women face- in public, in office and also at times in the comforts of our homes. Yet why is that we women prefer to remain quiet? Is it mainly to avoid public shaming or that nobody trusts the women or is it to save the relationships in case of domestic harassment?

Harrasment may be interms of inappropriate touch or humiliation interms of one's character or sexual advances without one's consent.

I too have faced this while travelling in public transport and a man has tried to feel me, yet chose not to raise my voice inorder to avoid getting attention and instead all i did was move away. There are times when people who are family have spoken of my character, yet i remained quiet just to save the one bond that I was nurturing. 

Well, more often than not, the woman-in-charge fails to realise that she is being harassed and also doesn't know the appropriate action that can be taken to curb the same.

At times, it results in decreased self confidence, guilt and may drive a person to the point of insanity.

It's not only women who are harassed, men may be harassed too however the percentage of men being harassed is less as compared to women.

It's time to confront the person harassing and avoid such encounters in future thus making the world safe for our loved ones to live in. Also the person harassed has to be given enough moral support so that they regain confidence to get over the fear and tackle such situations if they repeat in future.

IT'S NOT OK TO BE HARASSED AND HARASS.

What's in a name!!

Out of the blue, a cousin of mine pinged me on facebook messenger to ask if i had changed my name after marriage(Now that i have been married for close to 2 years):

The discussion was like this:

He: I was just wondering if you have changed your name after marriage.Whats the present trend .My wife hasn't

Me: I have not changed it too.. I am happy and content with the name that has made me who I am.. proud to be my father's daughter first

He: Absolutely correct for Kitta Mama. He is a grt man, a good mentor and of course was also a terror in DSM when I was very young.Still remember him taking the pesticide back pack with the sprinkler in his hand

Me: thanks for such words :)

He: Whatever said is from my heart rather I can say these were my wordings.

Proud daughter!!

After the discussion, i was wondering if it is really necessary to change one's name after marriage. While i see most of my friends or relatives changing the name soon after marriage or adding their spouse's name or family name after their name, i still dint get to understand the significance of the same.

While it is our maiden name that has given us everything and has made us what we are, i opine that it should be left to the girl to append her spouse's name or family name to her's.

or would i Rather say - 'What's in a name!!'

 

One fateful Evening...

'What the hell is going on between my husband and that bitch?' Maya's patience was at its lowest ebb and she was ready to burst.

Sanjay knew that she was serious. 'Look, Maya. There is nothing going on between the two of them. Just over-possessiveness or Insecurity, I'd say.'

'Possessiveness? Or Insecurity? Really Sanjay . . .' she rolled her eyes in disgust. 'That's what you men call it? There is nothing healthy about insecurity or possessiveness, Sanjay, not for a married man.

Insecurity or Possessiveness over a married man by a friend has no meaning.' She got up from her seat and walked around the room gesticulating and muttering something to herself. Suddenly she stopped, kept quiet, waited for Sanjay to speak. When she dint get any response from him, she asked, 'Did my husband have feelings for her or did she have feelings for him? You are his friend. Did he ever tell you anything about it?'

Sanjay tried to pacify Maya saying that they were colleagues and good friends. Nothing more than that. Yet she felt that something was amiss. Can a friend have as much hold on a person that he fails to give time or value the bond shared between husband and wife?

After disconnecting the call, she stood there with tears streaming down her face in the darkness.

Later as she lay on her bed, contemplating on the day's events and what led to the argument, her thoughts drifted back to the day Manav had first mentioned about 'her' saying she is a good friend who stood through his thick and thin. Being born and brought up in a City and a broad minded person, she had accepted the 'friendship' which she failed to realise could be something more. 

All that started was a message from 'her' asking her to scold Manav for eating her share of the snack which led to another message sometime later saying she could have her husband to herself and would not come in Maya's way. After a while, Manav had given her a call asking her to apologise to 'her' which had led to heated argument that he was even ready to divorce Maya if she failed to do as instructed. This had forced Maya to call Sanjay and seek his opinion as he knew his friend better. Yet there were no answers to the innumerous questions that were floating in her mind just like the stars over the head at times of confusion and uncertainty

 She drifted off to sleep after what seemed like ages after waiting for Manav's call to apologize for his rude behaviour which never came.

I am cursed, do you know why...

... Because i am a woman...

Her ill-fated luck starts the moment she is born. Rather than being treated as a good fortune or luck to the family, she will be looked down upon as a misfortune which has dawned upon the family.

She is treated as a debit to the family while the brothers who have been born before or after her are treated as credits..

Is it her fault that she is born a girl? Why do people, even though in 21st century still believe this?

Where do the talks of 'women empowerment' and 'beti bachao' andolans end up? Though years have rolled by and literacy percentage has increased, why has the temperament of people not changed?

Yes, i do agree that males carry the dominant genes from a family and that is one of the scientific reasons why it is necessary to have a male child but isn't the girl child carrying a part of your genes too (which may or may not be recessive)?

In a country like India with its vast geographical area and a place where goddesses are worshipped, there is a highly dominated patriarchal society and a recessive matriarchal society. Where do we stand in terms of gender equality?

We all want to make the world a better place to live in. What are we doing to the people who are trying to educate and bring to light the atrocities against women?

In recent times, we all know that the documentary pertaining to the rape victim (Nirbhaya- 26th December 2012 case) that was aired in UK and subsequently available on the internet was removed following the objections by various people. Where is the right to speech?

Is there going to be an end to the gender discrimination or do we have to silently continue chanting - 'Naa aana iss desh laado! The time has not arrived for you to get the respect that you deserve nor is your value understood'.

Honesty!!

We have studied in our moral science classes that 'Honesty is the best policy'. 

How far is it true or does this even hold good in today's world?

Or has the time come to rephrase or reconsider our views?

From the lessons i have learned in life, especially since after marriage, i have come to understand that 'Honest people are like straight trees which get cut first' as was told by my ex-boss who is no more. I hadn't understood his words then but today when i look back at the happenings of the past week, i completely agree to his words which have struck my mind like lightning.

Sadly, i wonder if the values that we impart our children are of no use in this world which is filled with people who are self-centered and opportunists. Earlier it was a matter of competitiveness to support the Darwin's theory- the survival of fittest, Off lately its jealousy and the tendency to pull the other person down in order to reach the top that is strengthening Darwin.

Will there be a change of time such that history repeats and people turn out to be as they have been earlier or is the world entering the black hole or into the nothingness that whatever we give doesn't get recognized let alone acknowledged.

Dear God.. This is my sincere prayer to you to make the world a better place to live in. Please.

Book Bucket Challenge

What can be the worst sort of a challenge to a book-lover than to choose only 10 books that have influenced their life from the list of books read? Here is my biased list for the same

1. The Monk who sold his Ferrari - Robin Sharma
2. The Secret - Rhonda Byrne (The power of positive thinking)
3. The Fault in Our Stars - John Green (To accept life as it comes and
4. A sudden change of heart - Jodi Picoult (The act of forgiving)
5. The Notebook, The Wedding and The Lucky One - Nicholas Sparks (The power of Love)
6. Life is what you make it and The Secret Wishlist - Preeti Shenoy (To believe in oneself)
7. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
8. Shiva Trilogy – Amish Tripati
9. Dan brown series (Angels and Demons, Digital Fortress, Deception Point)
10. Erich Segal novels- Acts of Faith, Doctors, The Class and Love Story

Other books worth mentioning are
1.'Three Weeks in Paris'- Barbara Taylor Bradford,
2. Karna's wife the outcast's queen - Kavita kane,
3. Paradise - Judith Mcnaught
4. A thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
5. The One You Cannot Have - Preeti Shenoy
6. A good yarn - Debbie Macomber
7. Darling Daughters - Debbie Macomber
8. Paths of glory- Jeffery Archer
9. Krishna Key - Ashwin Sanghi
10. Tea for two and a piece of Cake- Preeti Shenoy
11. The Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri

P.S. I liked the movie 'A walk to remember' which is an adaptation of the novel by Nicholas Sparks with the same name

Expectations!!

Most commonly when the couple meet for the first time in case of arranged marriages (not sure if this applies to love marriages as well), after the preliminary introductions between them once they are sent separately to talk, the first question that either of them ask is 'What are your expectations (from me and from the relationship)?'

This is a googly question cause the more you tell there is a chance that the proposal may not materialize while the less you tell may lead to conflicts later as time progresses if the relationship is sealed.

As a matter of fact though the expectation from a relationship is bare minimum in the initial days, as days go by the basic expectations increase. 

In each of the five meetings that I have had with guys,  barring once I was shot the question first. It seemed to me as though the answer had been memorized and the same answer replayed to each of them. My expectation from the guy I would get married is that he has to take care of my parents as his own and in turn I would treat his's as mine. 

While this is the basic expectation there are a few other things that I would like to list out. The guy I would want to marry must be:
1. Honest
2. Trust worthy
3. Epitome of strength to me
4. Extrovert
5. Straight forward (at times he must know to sugar coat)
6. Respect me
7. Be broadminded (or much better open minded)
8. Non judgmental
9. Have his space and give me mine

10. Lastly accept you for what you are rather than wanting you to change. 

Have i missed anything? do let me know :)

Harassed? who is at fault?

Over the weekend, we could see only one news flashing across all the news channels- Actress Preity Zinta had filed a harassment case against her kings XI co-owner and ex lover Ness Wadia. Though the incident happened on 30th May 2014 it was brought to light only on 14th June 2014. Lot of people went about saying that its Preity's fault cause she had enjoyed all the benefits of being a businessman's girlfriend and now is accusing him of misbehavior.

Though nothing is certain about who is guilty and who is taking undue advantage, the incident has pushed me to write something in this regard. The most common issue that women face irrespective of whether she is educated, earning well, single or married; the stares, touch, words - sometimes knowingly and at other times unknowingly. Why do people fail to understand the discomfort that they cause with these demeanor?

 If these untoward incidents happen due to strangers then we can very well take action yet it hurts the most when a person who is close to us does that. While many men tell that they are against such things and join the women in their protests there are a few who are all words of sympathy and no action.

 Last month a few rape cases were reported from Uttar Pradesh. When one of the journalists asked the chief minister about the action he would take, he got a shocking reply- 'Did it happen to you? No right? Then continue with your work its all common'. If a person with power and education replies in this manner then what to expect from others?

There are times when a woman has to listen to things like - being a lady its easier for you to get things done for everyone has a soft corner towards you. At office, if a lady gets promoted faster and if she is praised for her worthiness people go about talking that she would have slept with her boss. What a crap thinking! Can't women be smart?

 If a guy helps a girl it doesn't mean that they both aren't going around with each other.If we join you for lunch or coffee it doesn't mean that we are giving you an invitation or the feeling that we are hitting on you.

Even if you are our friend (sometimes a very good friend too) it doesn't mean that you can tell us whatever comes to your mind and even if you like us and are possessive about us please don't look at us with love filled eyes if you know that the relationship cannot be taken forward.. We are not comfortable with all the lovey-dovey aspects though we are the most romantic creatures on earth.

Give us the space and remember that we won't mind getting a scan done if we need medical analysis but hate to be scanned by the eyes. We are not some showpieces to be stared at or non living things to be touched and felt. 

I love u but or but I love you?

There are a lot of instances wherein we know that the person behind the memories means a lot to us especially if the person concerned is part of the past.

While it is easy to say 'I love you', the sentence has an altogether different effect if it is prefixed or suffixed with a three-lettered word 'but'.

It brings immense joy if a person says '....But I love you..'

While the sentence 'I love you but,...’ has its opposite effect. Yet today I feel like telling some person the second sentence for I know that in spite of giving a lot of chances, the person has failed to make use of it. I know for a fact that though I say 'I love you' it doesn't have any implications on the person while it still hurts me when I look back and realize that I had liked him when I was nothing but a cat's-paw to him- a stopover in his journey of life. All that mattered to him was him- a narcissist with no feelings for others. Today am happy that it didn't work out for what I am is and what I expect is much different from his way of leading life- seclusion. 

Hopefully I get to say the second sentence to that someone who enters my life and stays put without having to leave me, the one who loves me despite all my insecurities and glues the million shattered pieces of my heart, the one who holds my hand and makes me realize why I have failed previously..

Convince or compromise?

Today I was having a casual talk with a good friend Appu. We were discussing on relationships and marriages. I told him that love marriages are better while he was of the opinion that arranged marriages are better. I was trying to justify my opinion saying since we know the person before, I feel love marriages were better while he was of the opinion that though we know the person, the self esteem of the individual comes down in the eyes of both the families during love marriages.

As the discussion progressed, he told a factual sentence which most of us wouldn't have given a thought -'the most common mistake that all of us do is rather than convincing the people around us about our thoughts and beliefs, we tend to compromise so as to not hurt the people around and in the long run we end up feeling unhappy'.

Isn't it true that only if we are happy that we can bring upon smiles and happiness in the lives of people around us?

We should remember this each time we think of giving up something we cherish a lot.

Good luck. :)

A letter to my child

Dear Child,

Hope you get to read this mail someday when the time is right which i feel is the teens for that is the right age for you to understand what I have got to say.

There is a saying which goes like this-'Its not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings'. So it becomes my responsibility to tell you as to how to face the world that ceases to be all it used it has been till now for you. You get to see the real side of the world now- Competition, jealousy, selfishness, mistrust and what not. Yet, don't generalize that the world is bad for without all these, life becomes dull.

All I want to tell you is even I have been through all the uncertainties and the confusions that you are going through now. We as parents may sometimes be forced to succumb to the societal pressures and  would expect you to lead life in a certain way. It doesn't mean that we have stopped loving you or caring for you. Give us time, talk to us and make us understand as to what and why you think what you are doing is right.. we will surely understand and support you.

At this age, I do agree that all you need is a patient ear to hear what you got to say. Everything you see tempts you to give a try. I wouldn't stop you from doing what is right but please be honest and truthful to yourself. If you feel its right do it, when you are unsure, i am always there for you. Tell me what you are going through and how you are feeling for I can't read or understand all the zillion thoughts that swish across your mind. I do know that you are equally nervous as I am about you.

Be confident and bold about yourself. When you feel that something is wrong, stand up and fight for yourself and the ones who deserve to be fought for but also know when to hold back. If you realize that you have done something wrong, don't regret for we all learn from our mistakes. Each time you fall down, don't forget to pick yourself up and go on in life.

Stick to your principles. Never compromise on your ideals due to peer pressure but don't be resilient to change as well.

Though people say that love is surreal. I would say its the most beautiful feeling and a bliss if you find the right person. Don't shun away from it. All I request you is once you commit, never shudder away.. for it is wrong. There will be in-numerous dreams, hopes and aspirations from you. Never let down the person at any cost for you will be their support system. Also remember no relationship is perfect. It is within us to try to make it perfect. If need arises, fight for each other than fighting with each other. If there are misunderstandings, sit down and sort it out. Only when you feel that you are not amicable with each other and nothing can be done to keep the relationship alive, think of separation as it is the last resort. Remember that though there may be thousand reasons to give up, only one strong reason is enough to hold on.

Never cause pain to anyone. Nobody bothers if you are not of help but don't be the reason for someone's pain. If something is bothering you, take a break from what you are doing and contemplate with a calm mind. If it still bothers you, talk to anyone you are comfortable with.

Do not forget- You are special. Learn to listen to what your heart has got to tell for it know what is right for you. Be self-sufficient, self-confident and happy always but not self-centered.

When things go wrong, it is for a short period of time. Don't lose hope and give up. Once the tough phase passes, you will sit back and laugh at it. 

Lastly, if you are a girl, remember you are special and there is nothing impossible. When someone says that you cannot do it, put in a little more effort and see the results for yourself. Am sure it will leave the person spellbound. 

If you are a boy, please do respect women- be it your family or friends or the stranger on the road. Never degrade anyone for it doesn't harm them but you will fall in their eyes.

Never judge anyone for each person will be fighting their own demons, insecurities and shortcomings.

Live the moment else it becomes a memory.

Love you loads and here are my hugs and kisses..

Your loving Mom..

My mom... my superstar

If you're a sword, she's your shield,

If you're a spark, she’s your Kindle.

If you’re a ship, she's your mast,

If you're the night, she's your moon..

She is none other than a mother.

Mother - a word in the dictionary that means a woman in relation to a child to whom she has given birth, to the child it means the world.

A mother is one who plays a Zillion roles in her children's lives and nothing can surpass the myriad gifts she bestows upon her children. She is the one who bestows upon her child everything from wisdom, character, humor, patience, strength, compassion, diligence, beauty and unconditional love to godliness.

She is the child's many 'firsts'. Its first friend, guide, philosopher, teacher, sibling.

Image Source: Zomato page on facebook

Showering her unselfish affection, she works tirelessly around the clock to give her very best to the child. She is the only person who doesn't expect anything in return in spite of sacrificing everything for her child. She carries the child in her womb for nine months and when it is born, its a re-birth to her. She forgets all the pain she under goes in labor the moment she holds the kid in her arms. In the initial days of the child’s life on earth, she spends many a sleepless nights just to ensure that her kid sleeps peacefully. Each child of hers is special to her.

Even if the entire world turns against the child, she will be its constant companion. She holds its hand when it falls to the ground. She pushes it to try and never give up. Each accomplishment brings a smile on her face however small it is. She beams with pride with its first steps, first words, victories and each accomplishment.

What more can I ask than her well-being and happiness?

It is your smile that I look forward to everyday after I return from work mom.

Forgive me for all the wrongs that I have done, for without you, I am nothing.

I need your hands to guide me in all my steps.

I need your soothing hug for it can set-right all the wrong happenings in my life.

I need you to walk beside me each time I take a new path.

I need you to strengthen me when I am down.

I need you to pat me to sleep on the many sleepless nights I have.

I need you to comfort me when the entire world takes on me.

Mom, you are special, my super-woman. Love you loads <3

Image Source: Google

A video that i watched today has summarized everything that is on my mind. A tribute to all the wonderful mother's in the world.

Why are we resilient to Change?

Why are we resilient to change?- be it changing ourselves for good or the surroundings that we live or even the material possessions that we own or as a matter of fact our work place?

Though the 'change' is for something better, we feel insecure and also unsure of what the future has in store for us. It is always hard to let go- be it humans or the material possessions.

Most people are fearful of change because they don't believe they have any control over how or when it happens to them. Since change happens either to the individual or by the individual, what matters most is the attitude we have about change.

During my high school days, i had read the book 'Who moved my Cheese?' by Spencer Johnson. The book describes the changes in one's work and life, and four typical reactions to the said change by two mice "Sniff" and "Scurry," and two little people,"Hem" and "Haw.", during their hunt for cheese.

Likewise i see a lot of people whose lives turn for good yet they keep cribbing about trivial issues like weather, transport, traffic etc.

Can people ever accept life as it comes to them without much qualms?

What to do instead of gnawing about change? (As written by 'Haw' on finding the new cheese station)

1.Change Happens - They Keep Moving The Cheese

2.Anticipate Change - Get Ready For The Cheese To Move

3.Monitor Change- Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old

4.Adapt To Change Quickly- The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese

5.Change- Move With The Cheese

6. Enjoy Change!- Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!

7. Be Ready To Change Quickly And Enjoy It Again- They Keep Moving The Cheese

Rather than focusing only on the negative impact due to change, let's embrace the change for the betterment of ourselves. Remember if the caterpillar was resilient to change then we wouldn't see the butterfly

'Don't be afraid to change for you may lose something good but may gain something better'.

P.S. This post was written when i was having butterflies to replace my phone that i had been using since 7th August 2011. I got a new phone as a birthday gift from my sister :) 

Power of thoughts

There is a saying which goes like this: watch your thoughts for they become your words, watch your words for they become your actions..

This indicates that thoughts directly or indirectly control your life and its actions. So be careful about what you think. If you think positive, you can achieve miracles. If you are negative even the simplest of the tasks becomes tough.

There is one story to illustrate the effects of negative thoughts and actions: In some part of the world, there is a village in which of the villagers need firewood from a tree which is lush and green, all of them surround it and curse it the result of which makes the tree go dry and eventually die from which they collect dry wood for their livelihood.

Similarly the power train of thoughts in one's mind can make or break the person's life. For instance the cricketer Yuvraj Singh and the actress Manisha Koirala were able to cure themselves from the bout of cancer mainly due to the positivity that they had. From my personal experience, my grand dad was able to overcome his first bout of cancer due to his positivity and later succumbed to it when it returned three years later just because he gave up on himself and his life.

So beware of what you think.. Be positive (not only in terms of blood group but also in your thoughts). Nothing is ever unattainable.

During those tough times....

As all the days in the year cannot be the same in that there are sunny days, rainy days, chilly days so are the days in our lives: Some good, some bad and others worst. While all we want to remember are only the good times, we cannot ignore the learning from the not-so-good times.

How to deal with these minor/major set-backs of life?

There are innumerous ways in which people deal with such times- Some cry, some fret, some start socializing while others withdraw into their shells till they feel better.

I feel that when one is facing tough times, one needs to:

1. Try harder: If certain situations can be set right by putting in a little extra effort, then go the extra mile and get things right
2. Be Patient: If there is nothing that can be done about a situation, then be patient as the best days are yet to come
3.  Find an alternative: If the tough times are something that can be changed such as heartbreaks, find an alternative- take up a new hobby, start doing something that you have discontinued. If you are passionate about painting, paint ; if you like dancing start dancing; if you are keen about writing- write.
4. Think of times/ things that make us happy: It gives in the much required positivity in life
5. Be Positive: The current times are not the end. In fact they are the stepping stones to better tomorrows
6.  Don’t lose hope: for that gives the strength to face the world better 
7. Socialize: Never get drawn into your own world for that makes you think more about the tough times and there are chances that you may get an on-rush of self-pity which is absolutely unnecessary
8. Confront/Talk: More often than not we find situations wherein the people who are the reason behind the tough times are worse than the situation itself. At such times, confront the person, sit down and talk it out rather than bearing the grudge forever. It can  help clear the stale bad air and may also make the person treat you right.

                                                    Pic source: Google

In case you know anyone who is undergoing tough times Listen- for at times, people don’t need you to sympathize or your advices. All they need is a patient ear as they will be able to clear their brains off the things that is bothering them. They will end up being stronger and calmer

There is always a reason for everything that happens in life. You are in charge of everything. Make the best of what has been offered.

Remember: THE BEST IS YET TO COME!


Keep Smiling :)