The_____ in me

There was this prompt on one of the insta pages that I follow: We are real moms, the theme of which is ‘The lovely woman’ for the month of February ; ‘The _____ in me’.. The blank could be a reader, writer, dancer, artist, sister in law etc.


My entry to the prompt was this:

No house is complete without the woman who makes it a home. Apart from being a daughter, sister, friend, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law and a mother,
🌟 I am the super woman who binds together all these relationships
🌟 a person who can make the house a home ❤️
🌟 the joy that brings upon the smile on my son’s face.
🌟 an engineer by profession while personally donning the hats of an artist 👩‍🎨, reader 📚, blogger 📝, homemaker, traveller 🏍 ✈️ 🚌, a confidant, a doctor 👩‍⚕️ (to take care of my loved ones. Know a bit of ayurveda and also the chemical composition to treat minor illnesses of my family)

I got featured for this entry 🙈

This Valentine’s day all I need is

Dear N,

This Valentine’s day let’s promise eachother these: 

1) Time Time Time ! Even if its just ten minutes in a day. Lets spend quality time with each other. 

2) Watch a Movie together every weekend by holding hands.

3) Let me sleep for a bit longer over the weekends. You know how sleep deprived I am. 

4) A few baby free hours everyday while i cook you your favorite meal. 

5) Travel with me to unknown destinations. Like you used to earlier. I know you love traveling too yet with all the recent developments we are not able to make time for this common interest

6) Confess our love to each other more often.

7) Let’s start working out. We both know we need to get fit. And it’s now or never. Let’s motivate each other to take care of our health and fitness.

With love

Your Wife

#MeToo

Social media sites are filled with #MeToo stories from most of my female friends. I wondered as to what #MeToo meant only to realise that it was a campaign against Assault and sexual harrasment started by one Alyssa Milano in her tweet . It was started to bring to light the magnanimity of harrasment of women.

There are many types of harassment that women face- in public, in office and also at times in the comforts of our homes. Yet why is that we women prefer to remain quiet? Is it mainly to avoid public shaming or that nobody trusts the women or is it to save the relationships in case of domestic harassment?

Harrasment may be interms of inappropriate touch or humiliation interms of one's character or sexual advances without one's consent.

I too have faced this while travelling in public transport and a man has tried to feel me, yet chose not to raise my voice inorder to avoid getting attention and instead all i did was move away. There are times when people who are family have spoken of my character, yet i remained quiet just to save the one bond that I was nurturing. 

Well, more often than not, the woman-in-charge fails to realise that she is being harassed and also doesn't know the appropriate action that can be taken to curb the same.

At times, it results in decreased self confidence, guilt and may drive a person to the point of insanity.

It's not only women who are harassed, men may be harassed too however the percentage of men being harassed is less as compared to women.

It's time to confront the person harassing and avoid such encounters in future thus making the world safe for our loved ones to live in. Also the person harassed has to be given enough moral support so that they regain confidence to get over the fear and tackle such situations if they repeat in future.

IT'S NOT OK TO BE HARASSED AND HARASS.

What's in a name!!

Out of the blue, a cousin of mine pinged me on facebook messenger to ask if i had changed my name after marriage(Now that i have been married for close to 2 years):

The discussion was like this:

He: I was just wondering if you have changed your name after marriage.Whats the present trend .My wife hasn't

Me: I have not changed it too.. I am happy and content with the name that has made me who I am.. proud to be my father's daughter first

He: Absolutely correct for Kitta Mama. He is a grt man, a good mentor and of course was also a terror in DSM when I was very young.Still remember him taking the pesticide back pack with the sprinkler in his hand

Me: thanks for such words :)

He: Whatever said is from my heart rather I can say these were my wordings.

Proud daughter!!

After the discussion, i was wondering if it is really necessary to change one's name after marriage. While i see most of my friends or relatives changing the name soon after marriage or adding their spouse's name or family name after their name, i still dint get to understand the significance of the same.

While it is our maiden name that has given us everything and has made us what we are, i opine that it should be left to the girl to append her spouse's name or family name to her's.

or would i Rather say - 'What's in a name!!'

 

One fateful Evening...

'What the hell is going on between my husband and that bitch?' Maya's patience was at its lowest ebb and she was ready to burst.

Sanjay knew that she was serious. 'Look, Maya. There is nothing going on between the two of them. Just over-possessiveness or Insecurity, I'd say.'

'Possessiveness? Or Insecurity? Really Sanjay . . .' she rolled her eyes in disgust. 'That's what you men call it? There is nothing healthy about insecurity or possessiveness, Sanjay, not for a married man.

Insecurity or Possessiveness over a married man by a friend has no meaning.' She got up from her seat and walked around the room gesticulating and muttering something to herself. Suddenly she stopped, kept quiet, waited for Sanjay to speak. When she dint get any response from him, she asked, 'Did my husband have feelings for her or did she have feelings for him? You are his friend. Did he ever tell you anything about it?'

Sanjay tried to pacify Maya saying that they were colleagues and good friends. Nothing more than that. Yet she felt that something was amiss. Can a friend have as much hold on a person that he fails to give time or value the bond shared between husband and wife?

After disconnecting the call, she stood there with tears streaming down her face in the darkness.

Later as she lay on her bed, contemplating on the day's events and what led to the argument, her thoughts drifted back to the day Manav had first mentioned about 'her' saying she is a good friend who stood through his thick and thin. Being born and brought up in a City and a broad minded person, she had accepted the 'friendship' which she failed to realise could be something more. 

All that started was a message from 'her' asking her to scold Manav for eating her share of the snack which led to another message sometime later saying she could have her husband to herself and would not come in Maya's way. After a while, Manav had given her a call asking her to apologise to 'her' which had led to heated argument that he was even ready to divorce Maya if she failed to do as instructed. This had forced Maya to call Sanjay and seek his opinion as he knew his friend better. Yet there were no answers to the innumerous questions that were floating in her mind just like the stars over the head at times of confusion and uncertainty

 She drifted off to sleep after what seemed like ages after waiting for Manav's call to apologize for his rude behaviour which never came.

I am cursed, do you know why...

... Because i am a woman...

Her ill-fated luck starts the moment she is born. Rather than being treated as a good fortune or luck to the family, she will be looked down upon as a misfortune which has dawned upon the family.

She is treated as a debit to the family while the brothers who have been born before or after her are treated as credits..

Is it her fault that she is born a girl? Why do people, even though in 21st century still believe this?

Where do the talks of 'women empowerment' and 'beti bachao' andolans end up? Though years have rolled by and literacy percentage has increased, why has the temperament of people not changed?

Yes, i do agree that males carry the dominant genes from a family and that is one of the scientific reasons why it is necessary to have a male child but isn't the girl child carrying a part of your genes too (which may or may not be recessive)?

In a country like India with its vast geographical area and a place where goddesses are worshipped, there is a highly dominated patriarchal society and a recessive matriarchal society. Where do we stand in terms of gender equality?

We all want to make the world a better place to live in. What are we doing to the people who are trying to educate and bring to light the atrocities against women?

In recent times, we all know that the documentary pertaining to the rape victim (Nirbhaya- 26th December 2012 case) that was aired in UK and subsequently available on the internet was removed following the objections by various people. Where is the right to speech?

Is there going to be an end to the gender discrimination or do we have to silently continue chanting - 'Naa aana iss desh laado! The time has not arrived for you to get the respect that you deserve nor is your value understood'.

Honesty!!

We have studied in our moral science classes that 'Honesty is the best policy'. 

How far is it true or does this even hold good in today's world?

Or has the time come to rephrase or reconsider our views?

From the lessons i have learned in life, especially since after marriage, i have come to understand that 'Honest people are like straight trees which get cut first' as was told by my ex-boss who is no more. I hadn't understood his words then but today when i look back at the happenings of the past week, i completely agree to his words which have struck my mind like lightning.

Sadly, i wonder if the values that we impart our children are of no use in this world which is filled with people who are self-centered and opportunists. Earlier it was a matter of competitiveness to support the Darwin's theory- the survival of fittest, Off lately its jealousy and the tendency to pull the other person down in order to reach the top that is strengthening Darwin.

Will there be a change of time such that history repeats and people turn out to be as they have been earlier or is the world entering the black hole or into the nothingness that whatever we give doesn't get recognized let alone acknowledged.

Dear God.. This is my sincere prayer to you to make the world a better place to live in. Please.

Book Bucket Challenge

What can be the worst sort of a challenge to a book-lover than to choose only 10 books that have influenced their life from the list of books read? Here is my biased list for the same

1. The Monk who sold his Ferrari - Robin Sharma
2. The Secret - Rhonda Byrne (The power of positive thinking)
3. The Fault in Our Stars - John Green (To accept life as it comes and
4. A sudden change of heart - Jodi Picoult (The act of forgiving)
5. The Notebook, The Wedding and The Lucky One - Nicholas Sparks (The power of Love)
6. Life is what you make it and The Secret Wishlist - Preeti Shenoy (To believe in oneself)
7. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
8. Shiva Trilogy – Amish Tripati
9. Dan brown series (Angels and Demons, Digital Fortress, Deception Point)
10. Erich Segal novels- Acts of Faith, Doctors, The Class and Love Story

Other books worth mentioning are
1.'Three Weeks in Paris'- Barbara Taylor Bradford,
2. Karna's wife the outcast's queen - Kavita kane,
3. Paradise - Judith Mcnaught
4. A thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
5. The One You Cannot Have - Preeti Shenoy
6. A good yarn - Debbie Macomber
7. Darling Daughters - Debbie Macomber
8. Paths of glory- Jeffery Archer
9. Krishna Key - Ashwin Sanghi
10. Tea for two and a piece of Cake- Preeti Shenoy
11. The Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri

P.S. I liked the movie 'A walk to remember' which is an adaptation of the novel by Nicholas Sparks with the same name

Expectations!!

Most commonly when the couple meet for the first time in case of arranged marriages (not sure if this applies to love marriages as well), after the preliminary introductions between them once they are sent separately to talk, the first question that either of them ask is 'What are your expectations (from me and from the relationship)?'

This is a googly question cause the more you tell there is a chance that the proposal may not materialize while the less you tell may lead to conflicts later as time progresses if the relationship is sealed.

As a matter of fact though the expectation from a relationship is bare minimum in the initial days, as days go by the basic expectations increase. 

In each of the five meetings that I have had with guys,  barring once I was shot the question first. It seemed to me as though the answer had been memorized and the same answer replayed to each of them. My expectation from the guy I would get married is that he has to take care of my parents as his own and in turn I would treat his's as mine. 

While this is the basic expectation there are a few other things that I would like to list out. The guy I would want to marry must be:
1. Honest
2. Trust worthy
3. Epitome of strength to me
4. Extrovert
5. Straight forward (at times he must know to sugar coat)
6. Respect me
7. Be broadminded (or much better open minded)
8. Non judgmental
9. Have his space and give me mine

10. Lastly accept you for what you are rather than wanting you to change. 

Have i missed anything? do let me know :)

Harassed? who is at fault?

Over the weekend, we could see only one news flashing across all the news channels- Actress Preity Zinta had filed a harassment case against her kings XI co-owner and ex lover Ness Wadia. Though the incident happened on 30th May 2014 it was brought to light only on 14th June 2014. Lot of people went about saying that its Preity's fault cause she had enjoyed all the benefits of being a businessman's girlfriend and now is accusing him of misbehavior.

Though nothing is certain about who is guilty and who is taking undue advantage, the incident has pushed me to write something in this regard. The most common issue that women face irrespective of whether she is educated, earning well, single or married; the stares, touch, words - sometimes knowingly and at other times unknowingly. Why do people fail to understand the discomfort that they cause with these demeanor?

 If these untoward incidents happen due to strangers then we can very well take action yet it hurts the most when a person who is close to us does that. While many men tell that they are against such things and join the women in their protests there are a few who are all words of sympathy and no action.

 Last month a few rape cases were reported from Uttar Pradesh. When one of the journalists asked the chief minister about the action he would take, he got a shocking reply- 'Did it happen to you? No right? Then continue with your work its all common'. If a person with power and education replies in this manner then what to expect from others?

There are times when a woman has to listen to things like - being a lady its easier for you to get things done for everyone has a soft corner towards you. At office, if a lady gets promoted faster and if she is praised for her worthiness people go about talking that she would have slept with her boss. What a crap thinking! Can't women be smart?

 If a guy helps a girl it doesn't mean that they both aren't going around with each other.If we join you for lunch or coffee it doesn't mean that we are giving you an invitation or the feeling that we are hitting on you.

Even if you are our friend (sometimes a very good friend too) it doesn't mean that you can tell us whatever comes to your mind and even if you like us and are possessive about us please don't look at us with love filled eyes if you know that the relationship cannot be taken forward.. We are not comfortable with all the lovey-dovey aspects though we are the most romantic creatures on earth.

Give us the space and remember that we won't mind getting a scan done if we need medical analysis but hate to be scanned by the eyes. We are not some showpieces to be stared at or non living things to be touched and felt.